It's not just about the children...

When you come to this blog, chances are you’re here to find out what’s new with Zoë. Understandable, considering most (if not all) posts on this site started with me asking myself, “Self, what’s new with Zoë that you haven’t blogged about yet?”

However, I often find that parenting is so much rush and so much blur, that the answer to that question is a bit fuzzy. A bit hazy. A bit difficult to get down in words. And to be honest, this is family.penitentman.com, not just Zoe.penitentman.com.

So here’s a little update on one of the larger members of our family.

The theme of my days lately is “burnout”. I’ve been questioning my purpose and duties and agreements at church a lot lately. Feeling I have some important things to say as a member of our church’s session and getting some nods and agreement, but not the “buy-in” that is really needed to make some changes.

It doesn’t help that our monthly session meetings are on a week night from 7pm until after 10 and I have to get up by 5am. Earlier if I want to get any exercise. Those nights also mean 2 days of no interaction with Zoë. I’m giving it a little more time, but considering resigning from my position.

Tish and I are just plain tired. Zoë continues to sleep poorly. We have failed to settle into a solid routine. Energy is in high demand and low supply.

Thank God for forgiveness, understanding and love, which we so far seem to have in abundance.

Aside from all that, I am still in awe.

It is a rare day that I don’t at least tear up a little bit where Zoë is concerned. Whether it is her beauty, her smile, her laugh, imaginations of her future, her pain, her discomfort, her eyes looking at me, the touch of her hand, the smell of her hair, the never ending list of reasons I am so blessed to have her.

I can’t imagine any other hard work that is so richly rewarded as that of being a father.