Dancing Man and Boob Lady! (Shazzam!)

Tish and I figured we were in for an adventure when embarking into the realm of parenthood. Little did we know that our identities as we knew them would be stripped from us. No longer would I be Mike Mitrovich, mild manored computer geek and addicted game player. She, no longer a mere stamping goddess… no.

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We were to become… Dancing Man and Boob Lady! (Shazzam!)

Little baby Zoe is 3 weeks old today. In three weeks, she has mastered three things: Eating, Pooping, Freaking Out.

Freaking Out is a precursor to eating. Not Eating = Freaking Out (or if we’re lucky, sleeping). However, Freaking Out can also = farting, pooping, needing to poop, diaper full from poop, the thought of pooping. Let’s also note that Slightly Fussy accelerates quickly into Freaking Out if defensive maneuvers are not employed immediately.

It is due to these seemingly innocuous equations that Tish and I have been transformed. Earth finds itself in the pits of its most dire need. And as fate would have it, that need would be met by the heroic teamwork of Dancing Man and Boob Lady! (Shazzam!)

There are only 2 forces strong enough to maintain Zoe’s happiness. At the first sign of fussiness… red face, wrinkled eyes, arched back, shifty eyes… I transform immediately into Dancing Man! (Shazzam!) I swoop her up into my arms and dance. Dance like I’ve never danced before. If I keep moving, Zoe stays happy. If I stop… well, thank goodness for Boob Lady.

There comes a time in every hero’s life when he just isn’t strong enough on his own. No amount of dancing will end the weeping of the masses. It’s times like this when you really need a boob. An aching, frothing, milk laden boob, made for such a purpose. Who’s this hero gonna call? You guessed it: Boob Lady! (Shazzam!) Meeting the needs of this baby with gusto!

I don’t know how she does it. Where does all that milk come from? Suffice it to say… she amazes me. Beyond biology, she has the heart of a lion… enduring pretty serious pain to sustain a precious life.

Sometimes I’m ashamed that the best I can do is dance. But us heroes? We do what we can.

Shazzam!